Unlearning Oppression (Lesson 6): Radical Acceptance

There’s an old joke you may recall. It’s said in response to some quip that is not based on reality like this current news story. I grew up saying it to my sisters whenever one of them would not accept some truth that was right in our faces. My sisters laid it back on me, too, when folly consumed my sense of reality. We’d laugh, because it was it implies the obviously overlooked detail is relevant. The retort is a funny pun: “Denial [The Nile]: It’s not just a place in Egypt.”

Now that I’m grown, denial isn’t so funny anymore. It represents a lack of commitment to have integrity with oneself, the first and most important point of truth and honesty in one’s life. If you lie to yourself, you can’t and won’t be held accountable for your actions, or accept the truth. More of us than you can imagine take personal pride in ignoring the truth, especially when it’s inconvenient. The current president daily perpetuates false narratives about basic facts, and what’s worse, people believe him. More importantly, good people deny the reality and accept lies that they can verify for themselves. Small lies or big ones, it all amounts to the same toxic bathwater being used to cook, clean and run our homes. It’s time for new fresh water, and that starts with the practice of Radical Acceptance, a venerable DBT practice that demands we stop lying to ourselves in order to move forward in our personal healing and growth. Radical acceptance is often and uncomfortable and painful consciousness-raising activity.

At this moment in history, during a deadly global pandemic, we collectively confront the culmination of centuries of internalized racism and oppression. Even with videos, news stories and daily enactments of violence, many Americans, mostly White Americans, refuse to believe and accept the truth about violence against people of color.

Lesson 6: Practice Radical Acceptance: Watch the videos of the murder of George Floyd, grandfather, son and brother, now Father of the Black Lives Matter Civil Rights Movement. Do not turn away. Practice Radical Acceptance of what you see with your own eyes, heart and mind. Examine and discuss with your family why this is such a difficult act of violence to witness and accept.

Together, we can heal our future.

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