Hundreds of years after Deborah Sampson, a gender-bending Revolutionary War soldier, trod the earth, Jessie Serfilippi traverses Sampson’s exact footsteps around present-day New York State. By cinematically documenting Sampson’s life, Serfilippi finds self-agency in her own deliverance by a historical investigation that does not always align with desired outcomes about modern representations of sexuality in “Under the Cover of Breeches and Bayonet.”
In “Audacious Warrior: Ernestine Rose” Edissa Nicolás-Huntsman creatively envisions an unexpected intersection and overlap between herself, a 21st-century Black, Third-World Feminist with Caribbean roots, and Ernestine Rose, an audacious 19th-century ex-Jewish, European, freethinking Abolitionist. Through her activism, Rose established the groundwork for better-known Feminists such as Susan B. Anthony.
ABC: Alana G., Contingent Worker: Line Cook; Alejandro, Global Security; Amel F., Reception Associate; Amy H., VP Global Learning and Development; Andrew N., Data Science; Andrew, Line Cook; Arthur F., Line Cook; BJ P., Graphic Design; Bahar Z., Data Science; Becca T., Data Science; Ben C., Global Security Executive Services; Brandy, Shuttle Driver; Buddy G., Contingent Worker: Graphic Design; Carlos, Bus Driver; Carmen, Data Science; Christina, Shuttle Driver; Christopher H., Logistics; Cindy C., Marketing Manager; Claire H., Data Science; Corey, Line Cook
D-I: Dana M., Technical Platform Manager; Daniela R., Global Security; David H., Data Science Manager; Deliah S., Front House Manager; Erica, Outsourced; Esmeralda H., Housekeeping; Ester, Housekeeping; Elma, Reception Associate; Fern D., Shuttle Driver; Gabby, Housekeeping; Hari S., Data Science; Heather, Data Science; Ivan, Housekeeping
JKL: Jason P., Software Engineer; Johana V., Front House; Joshua L., Help Desk Specialist; Juan Carlos P., Line Cook; Julia C., Data Science; Justin B., Data Science; Kamille V., Executive Assistant; Kedra G., Contingent Worker: Global Security; Krystal SJ, Data Science Manager; Leslie, Front House; Lisette, Front House
MNO: Manjyot S., Manager Tech Platforms; Marlon, Hospitality; Maria A., Housekeeping; Mark L., Strategic Partner Development; Marten; Martchel, Bus Driver; Mego T., Ergonomics; Miao Y., Data Science; Michael H., Help Desk Specialist; Michael S., Data Science; Mike V., Contingent Worker: Global Security; Miguel, Housekeeping; Mingnan L., Data Science; Nadine R., Operations Program Manager; Neha K., Tech Platforms Manager; Nica W., Contingent Worker: Housekeeping; Nicole G., Technical Platform Manager; Nicole, Employment Legal
P-Z: Rachel H., Marketing Manager;Rafael L., Global Security; Ray L., Global Security; Robert J., Director, Sales Compensation; Rodrigo C., Reception Associate; Roxana C., Front House; Ryan, Transportation support; Sandy, Data Science; Shawanda W., Sourcer; Sze Wai, Data Science; Tim G., Shuttle Driver; Warren K., Data Science; Yulia D., Marketing Manager; Yulia I., Contingent Worker: Data Engineer
I’m always looking for a way to strengthen my relationships with young people. More than anyone in society, children are vulnerable. They need love and support to thrive. They need to be listened to and heard to grow confident in their abilities. I work to give them everything they need. Everything I never had as a child—a protectress, an advocate, a joyful ally. I’m not afraid to be fierce for them, to stand up for their rights and defend them against unjust behavior. I would rather take the burden of pain on for myself than let them face a brutal world alone.
Too many children fall prey to the very people who are entrusted with their care. Whether these children are athletes, students or family, we owe them a debt if they have been harmed under our care. Predators get away with abuse because children fear that they won’t be listened to or heard, and that no one will intervene on their behalf. Sadly, there is endless evidence of predation against innocent children. The Me Too movement draws attention to the numerous examples of professional women encountering sexual abuse and harassment, or worse, in the workplace. Yet movements like Me Too should ideally harness the energy of visibility to prevent further attacks on women and children. This is an important moment in history to work toward accountability in our society. Without individual accountability, we cannot change the outcomes and experiences of women or children, which we are now the focus national attention. It is simply not enough to look backward. We must demand accountability in the present moment as much as we seek accountability for past deeds.
The problem of abuse is more real than some of us care to admit. Children train in school to survive lethal gun attacks. They make few decisions regarding their own futures, and like women, are seldom believed. In that context, the least we can do is let them know that adults hear and respect their needs, their wants and their wishes—that even their dreams are sacred. Children deserve to have physical, emotional and psychological support and protection, and not solely after the fact.
It is up to women like me to act up on the behalf of children, to make sure history does not repeat itself. It is up to adults—every teacher, parent, uncle and grandparent, who cares to take up the slack. We must listen to children before there is a problem. We must be a person that a child will turn to for help and support. We have to give them grounds for the courage to speak up and tell the truth. We have to interrupt the violence and abuse perpetrated on others and ourselves as children witness. We can model behavior as we protect the future generation. No one gets a pass. We are all accountable. You may be asking yourself, “Where do I start?”
We can start by simply reading a book that gives us real, practical tools for working with and listening to young people. Below you will find a few gems gleaned from Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish’s book,How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. Start here, and read their treasure to learn more about how to be an ally to young people.
The following are excerpts from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
4 Ways to Help a Child with Their Feelings:
1. Listen quietly and attentively. 2. Acknowledge and accept their feelings with a word or sound. 3.Give their feelings a name. 4.Give them their wishes in fantasy form.
5 Steps to Engage a Child’s Cooperation:
1. Describe what you see or describe the problem. 2. Give information. 3. Say it with a word. 4. Describe what you feel. 5. Write a note.
6 Ways to Encourage Autonomy:
1. Let children make choices. 2. Show respect for a child’s struggle. 3. Don’t ask too many questions. 4. Don’t rush to answer questions. 5. Encourage them to use sources outside the home. (**Topic dependent. Use wisdom.) 6. Don’t take away hope.
Instead of Saying “N0”:
Give the facts. Accept their feelings. Describe the problem. Give yourself time to think.
Use Praise to Raise Self-Esteem:
Describe what you see without judgment. Describe your feelings in response to behavior. Sum up the child’s praiseworthy behavior in one word.
I am a woman of many heroes, men and women of character, substance and integrity. I admire and emulate them. It is in my nature to seek out traits such as fortitude and compassion in my community. My list of heroes is long and not limited by perimeters such as distance, time, gender or race, for although I idealize simple attributes; these principles are not easy to live by. My heroes are people whose actions demonstrate superior courage and discernment, people whose lives are exemplary because of their persistent vision to transform society for the better. When I experience difficulty, I look to my heroes for the strength required to endure and stand in the face of oppression and to carry on with my work. Today I honor Dr. Anita Hill, who rises into the foreground of my legion of inspiring soldiers.
Like many, I have been asked with whom I would dine given a choice. In the process of pursuing my formal education, I have written many essays on the topic. I have photos of my heroes around my home, reminders of my highest ideals. I draw courage from these immortal mortals. To me, even the dead ones are alive. But I have shaken her hand. I put my arm around the honorable and steadfast, Dr. Anita Hill, Esquire. Dr. Hill did not disappoint. She was everything I had imagined and witnessed beginning in 1991 when she faced the entire US Senate for the Supreme Court confirmation hearings. She testified about the former direct superior, who systematically sexually harassed her in the course of the workday.
This was a pivotal moment in women’s history. I was riveted to the TV, watching the testimony with millions of people. It was a formative experience to witness another highly intelligent black woman, stand in truth while powerful men attempted to revise, denounce and silence her. She was a courageous older sister, leading the way. For me, she was no less than a Joan of Arc. Her poise was monumental, her eloquence, sanguine. Dr. Hill, spoke of what other women have waited a decades to discuss. She demanded accountability, whether or not it was granted is irrelevant.
As movements like Black Lives Matter and Me Too gain momentum, it helps to recognize the warriors that have established a pathway to transforming society. There is strength in numbers. There is power in speaking when the world attempts to silence, to act when society coerces submission. Witness the lives of Audre Lorde, Dr. King and John Brown. They all knew this. Anita Hill knows it, still.
The legacy of people like Dr. Hill creates a bridge that reinforces and delineates the struggles of women and people of color in society. Their work illustrates that We are not alone. The reveal that we are not the first to endure, to resist or to speak truth to those with power and authority. When we work to create a just society, we walk in the footsteps of these giants.
Recognizing that Dr. Hill is capable of telling her own story, I share those of her ideas that address the ways in which we can harness the efforts of our predecessors to affect lasting change. According to Dr. Hill, by recognizing and always mentioning two or more factors like race, gender, age and class allows us to see the invisible intersectionality any issue. There are layered issues impacting an individual grappling with harassment, discrimination or systemic oppression. By acknowledging the overlapping nature of these experiences we begin to address the true work required to transform society into a just system in which all people can thrive. It is time, according to Hill, to modify our conversations about sex to include intent, consent and expectations. I agree, and I also see this as one of the biggest hurdles to change, since so many people are afraid to have candid conversations about their needs, desires and expectations in general. Women, in particular, often have difficulty negotiating salaries, speaking up in meetings and setting boundaries in their personal lives. We are simply not taught to assert ourselves in these ways.
Yet, we must engage in this reform work if we are to give our sons and daughters the tools they need to grow into accomplished and confident citizens. We must learn and teach each other that no one has the right to abuse another person, regardless of their legal status, educational level or gender. It matters little what form the abuse takes. We need to have a zero tolerance for abuse, for inflicting it on others, for allowing it to be enacted with impunity. We must hold uncompromising standards that permit all people to thrive—whether they are children, elders, women or under our direct supervision.
No one has the right to abuse another person.
Beyond being enamored with the image and ideal of Dr. Hill, she is actually a woman of true substance. Her personal achievements and education make her a paragon for anyone in need of a hero. It is no small feat to persist for a lifetime when men insist upon your silence—when society attempts to enforce a standard smallness and mediocrity. Anita Hill moves beyond these projections into the space of the warrior, where she stands as a paladin for truth and light. When I introduced myself to Dr. Anita Hill at Autodesk for the Level Playing Field Institute fundraiser, she admonished me to pay my gifts forward to the next generation. I assured her that I am. I have been. I will.
This is what it is like to meet one’s hero: She charges you with the highest expectations possible.
Two years ago when Colin Kaepernick first took a knee during the National Anthem, there was a lot of disgust expressed by fans and opposers. Complaints ranged from bigots’ scathing label of “uppity negro” to the more benign statements such as, “There’s a time and place for everything,” meaning, “Not now.” These were nearly the same words that were used to try to quiet Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and delay the Civil Rights Movement. Today, the issue of protesting on an NFL field, for any reason, is a matter of national debate, and a very timely one, given the state of our democracy. Most of this dispute comes down to race—the artificial categories designed to separate people and create a thinly veiled caste system in our society. None of this is new. Humankind has always been engaged in this brutal struggle for power. Fortunately, history has shown that the challengers to tyrannical rule often win though they don’t often reap the rewards in their lifetimes.
The story of Colin Kaepernick is so profoundly similar to the biblical tale of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego that, for me, it is an inevitable comparison. In brief, King Nebuchadnezzar builds a huge golden idol and commands that when the music plays, everyone should fall prostrate before it and carry on with a spectacle. As with any self-adoring tyrant, the king imposes consequences for disobedience. He commands, “whoso falleth not down and worshippeth shall the same hour be cast into the midst of a burning fiery furnace” (Daniel 3:5-6). More concerning than the king’s edict is the response of his people: Like good Nazis, residents lined up to make sure none of the perverted rules were broken. Luckily, these concerned citizens reported Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego to the authorizes for not bending a knee at the appointed time, requiring the king to kick up the heat in the inferno, looking to make an example of the three men. (If this is beginning to sound familiar, you are paying attention.) Here’s where the miracle happens: Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego’s lives are saved though the lives of the soldiers who deliver them to their fate are not.
Okay, so maybe Kaepernick is not being thrown into a literal fire, but dismissing and preventing him from working in the NFL is equally severe punishment for kneeling when the authorities insist one stand. This is the strength of fear: It teaches other NFL players, and mere mortals, to comply or suffer a similar destiny. Kaepernick, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego had an unflinching conviction to stand apart for the sake of their beliefs. They did so even at the risk of great peril because the rules were unethical and wicked, and they made a conscientious choice to challenge the status quo.
This familiar rhetoric of oppression—appeals based on rewards, coercion and/or threats of violence are eerily similar to the current language of our president against Kaepernick and anyone else with a differing opinion. Essentially, Colin Kaepernick’s broken heart would not allow him to stand during the anthem. Wishing to protest gun violence against black men by leveraging his fame, visibility and power for the sake of others, Kaepernick silently bowed his head. His is a sacred endeavor worth our admiration and support, because what he does, he does for all of us. If sports leagues begin to fire black men for defiance, as the president and several other powerful figures suggest, we are witnessing a new form of discrimination and punitive blackballing; these are simply new methods of coercion and intimidation, designed to keep people from living with integrity and exercising their right to free speech. Were it not for Kaepernick’s courage, which was above all a deep compassionate wail against the extraordinary violence meted out to black men all over the country, we would simply go on, anesthetized to the plight of an entire segment of the population. Instead, the nation is discussing the issue every week, for hours.
At last, more NFL athletes are beginning to speak up. They seem to be reacting more to the attempts of the president to silence non-violent, peaceful protest than to Kaepernick’s original stance for social justice. Nonetheless, their actions serve as a show of solidarity and support for freedom. They seem to say that they are protesting because they are free. This is the life breath of America: Liberty. Throughout history, individuals like Colin Kaepernick have stepped into the bright light of public scrutiny in order to bring about change. Kaepernick’s necessary anti-collusion lawsuit seeks to reform the NFL’s ability to stifle a player’s individual ability to thrive. This is important for numerous black men, who wish to participate freely in sports and other forms of civic engagement without experiencing monetary repercussions. Let’s not make the mistake of minimizing the situation. Kaepernick’s case is clearly as much a civil rights case as Plessy v. Fergusson, Roe v. Wade or numerous other important cases that have been heard in the past century.
Without key individuals stepping forward to demand justice, the courts have historically remained deaf to cases that have later had far-reaching beneficial consequences for future generations. That’s why Colin Kaepernick’s early and consistent non-violent protest to relentless police aggression and fatal force against black men is of vital importance to our future as an open democracy. Like any visionary, imagining a better world, the bravery employed by Colin Kaepernick in using his body on the front lines of transformation is critical to altering our current trajectory. Kaepernick is using his status, voice and position to further the cause of justice. The ripples of his actions we are only beginning to feel.
At some point, people start to think about their feet. This usually happens after not thinking about them at all for years. Let’s see just how easy it can be to alleviate foot pain by skipping it altogether. These three products are proven to provide foot contentment. Welcome to the first ENH Must-Have List. I’m doing this because I believe it’s always cool to take care of yourself. And if you’re like me, you appreciate time-tested quality products for your home, body and lifestyle. Get the latest products tested by real people, friends like me. Let’s get started with foot care since this foremost in my thoughts these days. Read on for some tested (by me) ways to keep your toes tingling for all the right reasons!
Grab a pair of these stunning sneakers if you want to fall in love with your shoes. This year’s new Ecco Soft 7 Sneakers is available in thirteen awesome colors. These shoes feel like a cloud of warm air hugging your feet. Ecco brought back that classic Keds second-grade flavor we loved when we were babies with these fine kicks, but added a grown-up sophisticated sensibility for professional women who want to pamper their feet and look fabulous, too. These shoes are good friends you’ll want to spend lots of time with. They feature comfy arch support and removable insoles in case you need more room or inserts. These are my absolutely favorite shoes. Get your pair at The Walking Store and keep some locals in business.
Of course, we don’t all wear sneakers to work. If you love your shoes, but not the insides, here’s a quick, affordable fix for most ladies. Adjust your regular shoes for all-day performance with Dr. Scholl’s Massaging Gel insoles. These inserts are an easy way to make almost any shoes feel like sneakers. Simply trim the inserts to fit most closed shoes and mules. They also have special designed insoles for use with high heels. Plus, the top layers of these insoles have a breathable fiber that keeps your feet fresh and dry. One draw back to these is that they are bulky, so your shoes may fit tighter with them in.
These days, almost everyone is trying to stay healthy. The right shoes for athlete activities are an imperative. Last up on my must-have list are my absolute favorite, cozy outdoor-activity favorites for light hiking, running and walking. Right on point, La Sportiva Bushida Trail-Running shoes are the best choice for people of any gender in need of comfortable style and lightweight endurance. These boldly designed shoes provide unbeatable wearing power. I know; I’ve owned three pairs. They wash in the machine and dry out quickly, which is pretty nice if you’re out on the trail, running through streams. Ankle stabilization and arch support were the main reasons I tried them a few years ago, and I have no regrets. They have a great low price for the quality and durability. Try a pair at REI. I wear my Sportivas around the city for basic athletics, stairs and in the mountains for backpacking. Love them!
Big tech companies should be among the first respondents to help save lives touched by disaster. Tune in to any news or media channel and you’ll be inundated by news of human suffering. There’s no shortage of people in need of help from both chronic and emergency situations including natural and unnatural disasters. It’s time for Big Tech to step up on the humanitarian aspects of their responsibilities since they possess massive potential to do real good through social-media services. Tech Companies have long profited from trending products and software and by making millionaires from user experiences. Up until now only a few, like Facebook Check-In feature in 2010, have done so purely for the benefit of its users. From wearable gear to self-tracking devices, the technology already exists. It just needs to be repurposed to add value during difficult times. The next disaster is just around the corner.
Here’s what’s at stake for ordinary people: So far, the Tubbs and Nuns fires have displaced hundreds of people. After multiple hurricanes devastated Puerto Rico’s citizens, few of the victims were able to communicate with family on the mainland or get clean water and food. The recent mass shooting in Las Vegas had people from all over the country looking for loved ones who were unreachable after the massacre made headlines. Plus, for a slightly more mundane social problem than the past few weeks of hurricanes, shootings and earthquakes, chronic homelessness and drug use bring their own arsenals of concern.
It’s time for technology-based businesses to concern themselves with how ordinary people—tech users, who purchase their products—fare in life when catastrophe strikes. The best part is that these transitions could be relatively easy for these companies who already collect tons of data on us. Here are the key problems in need of #tech solutions:
Homelessness/displacement exacerbated by disaster
Clean water and food shortages
Shelter: places to sleep and safely store possessions and valuables
Services and facilities for bathing and laundry
Safety alerts and information about the location and health status of loved ones
Big tech has the capacity to solve these problems quickly. What the world needs is some tweaking of these great tech products to make sure users and their communities benefit from their brand loyalty. As an added bonus for these tech companies, emergency features can make their products go-to resources integral to people’s lives. That’s a lot of stockholder returns over time, making these ideas worth the time and investment for social-media companies. It’s time for real, practical and fairly simple ways for the big companies and some smaller ones with big hearts and human-capital bandwidth to step up and help society deal with the fall out from inevitable calamity. The capacity for people to help each other without opening their wallets is, thus far, untapped.
Airbnb is already set up to help subscribers find and use homes and other tourist services on demand. There’s room to link disaster victims with resources such as showers, laundry services and temporary camping spots or supplies. These features could be activated at all times or regionally triggered in response to specific emergency situations. As of Oct. 16thAirbnb sent out a notification that they’d allow hosts to invite guest for free in response to fires in Northern California. Kudos to Airbnb.
Twitter may have the capacity to identify users’ geographical location to determine if a person is a danger zone. They can provide data based on user activity to help respondents locate populated or isolated areas in need of special attention. Water and food deliveries could be targeted to those areas.
Fitbit knows how fast users are moving, and most likely, their location at any time the device is worn. These fitness bits have the capacity to report emergency situations to designated family members or authorities quickly. The potential for Fitbit to detect vital signs of its users and emit a signal that can be picked up by rescue workers during an emergency is great. Just as these awesome gadgets allow for networking for health reasons, why shouldn’t they alert designated people to things like whereabouts and health? Users would be more likely to keep devices charged and on hand if they knew it could help during an emergency.
Google has the ability to track all kinds of activity. I can’t help wondering whether Google can program their search engines to see when area is under duress from seismic activity or extreme heat and, thereby, provide an early warning to residents and save lives.
We can have a better place to live because of technology. No one is better at finding solutions to marketing, network growth and pleasing the stockholders than today’s biggest tech companies. This concept is about employing those same tech resources to helping millions of users with simple modifications that could ensure survivors of disasters never feel abandoned by society. What’s next? I foresee a future where tech companies partner with non-profits and government organizations to provide fast, direct responses to critical questions of survival in the shortest amount of time. Since we’re not yet living on the moon, we can at least try to make the earth a more hospitable place for humankind.
One of the things that I enjoy about organized religions is the way religions honor the extraordinary magic of life through ritual. These ancient, universal customs transcend individual beliefs and encompass the basic human elements that forge all relationships. They say to participants,
You are the fabric of this existence.
You are integral to the workings of life.
Notably, the season of Rosh Hashanah is upon us. It is a time of inner renewal and atonement for Jews. On a spiritual level, observers rest and remove stagnant energy from their psyches. Essentially, it’s a time to reflect on the past year, find peace with your life and loved ones and seek forgiveness from those whom you may have wronged and to grant it in turn. Obviously, these are not required practices for a non-Jewish person; however, for me, the benefit of honoring the practice brings peace and light into the world outweighs my allegiance to my particular faith. Central to these upcoming High Holy Days is a compelling call to harmonize with the self and one’s extended community, and it is a practice, which I wholeheartedly embrace.
When I first celebrated Rosh Hashanah with my Jewish friends in New York during my twenties, I remember being caught up in the spectacle of the ritual of a festive meal, chanting, and the lighting of candles. Now Rosh Hashanah holds significance for me that I treasure beyond those sacred memories of being welcomed into the intimacy of a private celebration. Rosh Hashanah is a time for me to get right in my soul. This period is a gift to me, a time to ask forgiveness from the people I’ve wronged, a chance to reflect on my words, my intentions and impact on the people around me. It’s also an occasion to atone for the unintentional harm I may have caused another, for even in innocence we can sometimes offend. It’s a habit that leads to grace—it helps me to say I’m sorry more quickly or more easily the next time around. It’s an invitation to hear when someone is struggling to make right with me. Rosh Hashanah allows me to let go of the outcome, release my ego and do my part to leave a blessing behind. The process makes my steps lighter, my heart ever more capacious.
Because we can’t change the past, it’s crucial we take the time to be present for our loved ones and atone for mistakes in an expedient manner. The unexpected death of my sister has taught me this lesson. The effort to seek forgiveness is a calling that requires humbleness, compassion and introspection. It is work done with a sincere heart; it is an observance with profound implications for everyone around us. There’s more room in our lives for tender moments when we don’t insist on carrying grudges. We can give and get forgiveness.
I still celebrate the Western calendar New Year on January First but find that Rosh Hashanah enriches my life with its heartfelt redemptive and renewing capacity. I’ve invited this ritual into my life in order to grow and expand my ability to love and co-exist with people who may not see the world as I do, which in an increasingly diverse world is becoming ever more critical. As I struggle with the right words and conditions to ask for forgiveness, I look to role models whose compassion and tenderness provide a guiding light. One source of luminous guidance for me is a mentor in the Order of Interbeing, who sent a beautiful email to her extended community. As I read her message, the words sank into my heart and touched the wounded part of me. I breathed in her words, and I let go of my hurt. Afterward, I filled that space with a tender hug and a salty kiss from my nephew and inhaled the sweet scent of my niece’s clean hair as I sent her to school. This I want to hold tight. The rest I’m willing to let go.
It’s clear that we could all use some tenderness and gentleness in these times of disaster, strife, misunderstanding and tension. In the spirit of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, I share some of her words and intentions with you, my readers and extended community.
Let the healing begin with me. On this wonderful day, I offer you these words:
Hello Dear Ones!
During this month of September we honor the Jewish New Year and Day of Atonement, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. In the Plum Village Community there are several mindfulness retreats, both general mindfulness, and those with specific focus on engaged awareness practice for racial equity and inclusiveness, and for caring for the earth, our planet home. May we find these trainings to be of nourishing support.
Some of you I have not seen in awhile. Please accept my beneficial regret for any harm that my actions or inactions may have unintentionally caused. I ask your forgiveness with all my heart, and if I got it wrong before, I will do my best to get it right in the future.
I’m no prude, and yet, I have not written a single word about sex on this health and wellness blog. Last week a friend shared a powerful TedTalk by Peggy Orenstein called “What Young Women Believe about Their Own Sexual Pleasure,” which alerted me to my oversight. After I watched it, I thought that if women like me don’t talk about sex, then my nieces and nephews are doomed. It warrants examination, this omission. Somehow sex has become the dirtiest three-letter word in the English lexicon, but we can clean it up. Here’s why we need to apply ourselves to this task. The prevalent avoidance of discussing the topic of sex can be linked to numerous societal dysfunctions:
Sexual assault and rape
Blatant ignorance about our anatomies and procreative capacities
Vagina shaming and mutilation
Phew, that’s a lot—too much if you really stop to think about it. These concerns impact everyone on the gender spectrum. If biological women can’t own their bodies and feminine identities, then those transgressive figures, who are adopting femininity will inherit those problems even as they seek the health and healing that that kind of transformation represents. It also means that men can’t be comfortable with women’s bodies, because we aren’t teaching men about the healthy boundaries we need to co-exist in a pluralistic society. The taboos against sex limit our understanding of our beautiful bodies.
The vagina is sacred and holy by design, housed and protected by vulva, legs and arms. Women are meant to open and bloom like flowers for our chosen beloved. And yet, too many women carry fear, where life and pleasure should prevail, judgment-free. Sex is meant to be a beautiful invitation, a dynamic and transcendent connection between consenting adults seeking mutual happiness. Let’s claim that right this century.
I think we can live up to the expectations of biology. Both men and women have pleasure buttons that can be activated by loving touch. Let’s aim for joy, pleasure and the power of reciprocity in the context of sexual intimacy. Let’s discuss this with our sons and daughters, so we don’t have to spend all our time repairing the damages of rape and sexual violations that surround too many sexual encounters. We can reclaim the sacred space of human dignity intended for sexual intimacy. Oh, and, can we say the V word, please? It’s really okay that boys have penises and girls have vaginas. That’s how God made us. This is a beautiful thing.
We can heal our society and ourselves by taking inventory of our sexual beliefs, examining them openly and moving forward bravely into a sexuality where women own their vaginas and men own their penises and each takes on the full privileges and responsibilities for what happens with and in them. That’s a revolution in which this Third-World Feminist is willing to enlist.