Radical times, demand radical measures. Too many people live and work in isolated bubbles. In good times, our social circles insulate us from danger, change and uncomfortable truths. When closed social networks work best, they protect children, elders and the most vulnerable among us. When they breakdown, they lead to cycles of violence, insulation from external influences, prevent accountability and foster the sheltering of vile habits that can be toxic to our society. The social circle can be a beautiful family, or an impenetrable fortress of misdeed and dysfunction.
What would it have looked like if R. Kelly’s team of enablers challenged him by saying “no,” and setting limits to their involvement in abusing, trafficking and abducting girls and women for decades? Similarly, would an accountability team for Harvey Weinstein prevented numerous rapes and abuses? It’s time we stop looking backwards, and move toward remedying the accountability fissures in our society that lead to great harm. We have the power to hold each other to high standards well before harm is inflicted.
Creating a better, more just society, requires us to move beyond our primary circle of influence into spaces where community members, coworkers, friends and teachers play an important part in our choices. Accountability groups are particularly important to many Americans when they’re part of professional networks, like real-estate agents and tech innovators, who rely on each other to meet monetary and performance quotas. These worker remain in constant dialogue in order to expand services, develop working programs and promote healthy communication that apply directly to their financial bottom line. Unfortunately, most of the accountability is limited to projects with profits and not enough energy is invested to accountability for behavior and action.
Lesson 15: Seek out and form a formal a committed accountability group. Include people outside your family and immediate social circle, which is often not strong enough to counter social norms. Look to your church, sangha and professional networks, especially including people from different areas of your life, and if possible, of varied identity, ethnic or cultural background. Check in regularly about your agreements.
These days, it’s simply not enough to move in the world without getting feedback from a group of conscious peers. We can all stray, misinterpret or fall short of our own best practices. We need good people who will not flinch at truthfulness. In the near future, all children will learn about preventing oppression in primary school. Until then, adults must invest the time and energy necessary to unlearn bad habits while remaining accountable for our words, deeds and actions. Accountability isn’t easy, but we’re definitely capable.