Society has always had an altered view on a woman’s body. From the large chest size, to the tiny waist and flat stomach, hips that flare out, the perfect height; not too tall, not too short, these expectations are often times unrealistic to expect of a woman’s body.
My weight has always been has always been one of my biggest triggers. I’ve only ever been thin once in my life, and I’m pretty sure I’m never getting back to that place. Most people aren’t explicit with their disgust for my body, but my immediate family made it very clear I was too fat.
In December of 2019, I was 210 pounds. In September of 2020, I am 140 pounds. I know for a fact that I gained weight between December 2019 and March 2020. But as of now, I am 140 pounds and while I now love the way I look, I also hate it.
I lost 70 pounds between March 2020 and September 2020. I know that there is no way I did that in a healthy way. I starved myself, point blank. I would deprive my body of nutrition so that I could feel beautiful; and while I do feel beautiful and look great on the outside, I feel awful on the inside.
There were times where I wouldn’t eat. I would lay in bed, feel my stomach ask for food and refuse to give my body energy. if I did eat, I would over eat on purpose to make myself vomit, because in my mind, if I throw this up, all of this food won’t go to my stomach, my thighs.
It’s been hard to accept the way I look. I get more compliments now that i’m thinner, now that my waist is smaller. I get more male attention now that my body reflects the body of a woman whom they desire; large breasts, a smaller waist, a more profound behind. All I’ve been given is positive feedback; but how can I accept these compliments knowing that I achieved this look in an unhealthy way?
I am writing this post to encourage women to love the way they look. There is no such thing as the perfect woman, and male attention is not the end all be all.
Colette J is a Bay Area high school senior and youth writer who wants every woman to remember that she is beautiful.
Wonderful article in support of women and girls (and I’ll bet many men and boys) all over the world. Health (physical, mental, spiritual), in my humble opinion, should be the priority over our outward appearance, seconded by trying our best to eat in a way that will help our planet be able to nourish us for the long haul.
Well said, Jonelle. Thank you for supporting our newest youth writer with your awareness. We’re all looking for balance as we grapple with internal and external definitions of wellness.
You are 18 going on 80!!! I am so impressed with your powerful voice!
For sure the day will come when you feel comfortable in your body and manage the ups and downs of a woman’s body. I promise it never gets easier, but you will find a path to balancing your self-awareness with the external pressures of our society. Thank you for sharing the intimate details of your struggle with us!